Well what a week that was! I am not so happy to think that I will have to go through that 4 more times!
I was expecting to come out of the tunnel on Thursday as before, but in fact on Thursday I was really very low and bursting into tears for no apparent reason. I had to go to the hospital for my PICC line inspection and spent an hour in tears with the nurse.
Friday was my birthday, but I felt like crap, this was not helped by the fact that Jack actually forgot it was my birthday, well he had been given reminders and ewverything, but for whatever reason decided that he couldn't be bothered to participate. We asked him to come and join us so he could share in opening of the cards and presents that I had received. He was so begrudging and lasted all of 3 cards, before stating he wanted to go back to bed. So that is where he went.
I had lots of lovely cards and bunches of flowers delivered - but still this black depression lasted. Jack finally came in, in the middle of the afternoon, with a card and a bar of chocolate. I was by now so incensed that I had a right go at him, firstly for the card itself. There had been no effort put in to choosing it, in fact it would have been far more suitable for a bloke, and it cost about 50p from the local corner store! He couldnt even be bothered to walk into town, where we have so many card shops, that he could have at least chosen a decent card, even if to make up for forgetting in the first place. As for the bar of chocolate, again, probably on offer at the corner store! And I am not allowed to eat choclate being diabetic! So again no thought put in whatsoever. Anyway I am not going to talk about in any longer, as I do not want to upset myself anymore. Enough to say I was very disappointed in his behaviour and told him in no uncertain terms that the way he had behaved was unforgivable.
The side effects this time have been similar, but by no means the same! I have had peeling skin on my left palm for 3 days, but that seems to have disappeared this morning. The awful mouth seems to be far worse this time, but what has been new and really the worst is the burning sensation, every time I eat or drink anything. It is like really bad indigestion, but not, because I am hardly eating anything. I have taken remedies, but they do not seem to have helped very much. Last night almost instantly I had a sore throat, which is still there this morning, but the very sore tongue is no better. Hey Ho, what fun.
I managed to go to the football yesterday, more by being bullied really! Ian felt that I needed to get out and do something as sitting inside four walls is not good for anyone! So we set off in torrential rain, Ian driving. We had our usual meal in Pizza Express and the staff were really pleased to see us! Then we made our way to the stadium and again it was good to see everyone, though of course they were all stunned with my news. the staff were excellent and looked afte Mum and I, making sure we were ok, they even assigned a female staff member to look after Mum as I am not really in any fit state to escort her up and down stairs and certainly unable to push her wheelchair. So int he end from being really worried about going too far from home and being in big crowds, I think it has been the turning point in this cycle of treatment. Today I am feeling a lot brighter than I did last week, when to be perfectly honest I would have been quite happy to move on from this world.
I am hoping the good feeling stays and that maybe Ian will get his wish to take me to London on Wednesday to go to the matinee of Mamma Mia and then out for an early supper. We are going to wait to get tickets until Tuesday, just to be on the safe side.
Thanks for keeping up so far.
xx
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